Look deep before you leap.

┬áThis morning, I found myself hearing some wisdom from an unexpected source, Judge Mablean Ephriam (it was especially odd because I don’t watch court-based tv). She said, “Look deep before you leap.” I am a big believer in watching people carefully, and learning all one can about them, especially when one might be waking up next to them for the next 40 or so years.
This does not mean to come up with an impossible list of qualifications for a perspective spouse that don’t exist in the very person who created the list of qualifications (or anybody that list maker knows or has ever met). It means take a meaningful look at the life of the person one is considering building with. It means to get past economic circumstances and appearances. It means to make a careful, thorough, evaluation of what each party brings to the table.
When I was looking for a husband, back in the early days of the founding of this country (HA!), I met two men. One guy had considerable financial resources, awesome physical attributes, but questionable character. It was very subtle, which is why it’s a good idea to (say it with me now), look DEEP before you leap. The other dude was not as glamorous, made a little less money, was a little less pretty, but had solid character and more solid work ethic. I made the right choice, but it was not perfect.┬áThe looking deep didn’t end after the ceremony was over, either. My husband and I took a leap fifteen years ago and we still have to look deep so that we can be open to the other’s growth and evolution. It’s much harder to do that when people haven’t made the proper effort to get to know one another before their lives are intertwined.