When my children were little, I fought and fought to teach them the right things and allow the right things into their lives. Some days, I feel my energy dwindling in this fight. Part of it is that as they grow older, my children are becoming more independent. Lately, though, it feels like I am growing weary of these battles. I won’t give up because the stakes are too high, but I definitely need to take time out for long strategy session.
Is this me? Sometimes it feels good to know that my family is a priority and that I work really hard for them, but sometimes it’s sad and a little horrifying to think that maybe I’ve seen my last slice of pie. I don’t need pie, but I still wonder, will I ever get a generous sized slice like I used to enjoy before I had to share it with all of those lovely people?
“I think that young men and women are so caught by the way they see themselves. Now mind you, when a larger society sees them as unattractive, as threats, as too black or too white or too poor or too fat or too thin or too sexual or too asexual, that’s rough. But you can overcome that. The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself.” -Maya Angelou
Self-perception can be a very hard thing to shake. When I visit one of my favorite boutiques, the sales staff often ask me if I wear a size smaller than the one I look for, ask for and buy. I have always figured that maybe it was my height or the high-heeled shoes I often wear to take a few visual pounds off. One day I inadvertently pick up a few pieces a size smaller, and they all fit beautifully. Why am I so hesitant to so much as try a smaller size? Maybe I remember not being able to fit anything on the rack, once upon a time. Maybe the reality of who I am and the choices I’m making in my life are finally catching up to my mindset. What do you do when the way you view an aspect of yourself no longer applies?
I am all for supporting our school and doing my part for our community, but could you let me, or rather my bank account, recover the expenses of purchasing school supplies and school clothes before you hit me up for the first (of several) fundraisers? I don’t think a two-week buffer is asking too much.
That is exactly how I am feeling right now. I think the demands of all of the things I’m trying to accomplish collided with this hot hot weather, and now I’m about to go get a pillow and call it a day.
2014 is almost over. I have my 2015 calendar to prove it. Back to school nights are starting up, which is the final indicator (to me) that the school year is in full swing. Shopping is still a bit strange with the whole Halloween over here and Christmas over there phenomenon, but at least the back to school stuff is out of the way. Usually I am not a person who mails off things on a regular basis, but this past week has meant a lot of time at the post office. It has been in preparation for some really awesome stuff happening later this year and in the beginning of next year, so I don’t mind. Bring on the pumpkin latte (nonfat, no whip please).
Last weekend, my husband and I went to the movies. For the first time I can remember, there were only two movies we were remotely interested in. We chose this one. It was pretty decent. Predictable, but the acting was enjoyable and the food styling and photography was so awesome I could smell it. Since it was the movie theater with the nice restaurant, we had really good nearby and the experience was very pleasant. The company wasn’t bad, either.
and I feel better already. While I was looking at fashion week stuff, I saw this dress from Prabal Gurung. I thought it was cute, and the shoes weren’t bad either.